“I knew this would happen. I knew it was too good to be true.” This is the thought going through my head. I knew He wasn’t loving. I knew He would leave me.
Today, I found myself in the darkest part of the forest. Absolute darkness. I couldn’t see my hand in front of my face. Every time I tried to take a step, I tripped over a tree root or fell into a hole. I cry out for the King, but hear nothing. I reach out to take His hand but only feel empty space. No longer do I hear the encouraging reminders of my traveling companions; instead, I am surrounded by the lies of the enemy and left alone in the battle. I cannot face this dragon one more time; I don’t have the strength. I thought the King would never leave me; maybe I was wrong.
Finally, I stop moving. I sit on the ground, dejected. I don’t want to cry. Crying is a sign of weakness, and weakness exposes vulnerability. Yet, I can hold it in no longer. Tears stream down my face as I give in to my fears. I wonder if the King has even noticed I’m missing. Is He looking for me? Or do I have to find my way back to Him? Does He really care? As the rain starts to come down, I scream at the storm. I’m so scared of being alone that I feel as though my heart is being ripped from my chest. The fear is a physical pain. I scream louder as the thunder and lightning continue, releasing every pent up emotion. After screaming so long I lose my voice, I sit back down, weary. I do not understand. Why would He leave me?
Eventually, I realize that I no longer feel the rain pouring down on me. I look up to find the King covering me. The storm hasn’t stopped raging, but He is there. The fears rise again. I pound my fists into His chest screaming, demanding to know where He was and why He left me alone in the darkness and the storm. He doesn’t retaliate. He doesn’t defend Himself against my blows or push me away. He doesn’t become angry at me. Instead, He gently wraps me in His arms, holding me until I stop fighting. He whispers words of love and comfort to me. He sits down, pulling me onto His lap, and gently rocks me. This is what a loving Father does when His child is scared.